Bitter Sweet

My time at home is coming to an end. My maternity leave is almost over and I head back to work next Monday. While on my maternity leave I have come to realize that I could never be a full time stay at home mommy. I need to be able to get out of the house. And though I have been saying for weeks now that I'm ready to go back to work, now that it is really here I'm feeling bummed to see this time end. It all just went by way too fast. Not every day of my maternity leave has been peachy but I will say that now that Ella is a bit older it's been a lot less stressful and a lot more fun. I'm going to miss seeing her all day. I'll miss being the one to get her out of her crib in the morning because that is her happiest time of the day. I'm feeling sad to think that someone else may be the one to witness milestones like her first laugh, steps, and words because I am at work. Oh well.... life goes on. I have to remember that I'm not the first women in history to go back to work and leave my baby with a babysitter. At least I have comfort in knowing that she is with my amazing friend Kendra who I'd trust with my life. Taylor and I love Brandon and Kendra and their kiddos and know that Ella is in good hands there.

On a side note, I can't even believe that Ella is almost 3 months old already. She is growing so fast. She is already cooing up a storm, rolling on her side, holding her head up with ease, wanting to jump and stand when you hold her on your lap, and smiling like crazy. She is developing her own little personality and I have to say that I think I might be in trouble. She even threw her first temper tantrum the other day. Ella tries to suck her thumb and because I come from a family of thumb suckers I will not let her do it (this would be why she always has a binky in her mouth). The other day when she was trying to suck her thumb I kept moving her hand away from her mouth. When I did she would scream and kick her legs. Then she would stop crying and try again screaming and kicking her legs every time I moved her hand. It was quite comical but man...I think this kid maybe more stubborn then her mom and her dad!! She is very independent and most of the time she would rather lay on a blanket by herself then cuddle. She has already out grown cuddle time in less then 3 months! If I get any snuggles any more it's rare. She is feisty yet sweet and I just can't get enough of her.

Ella's First Easter

Here are a few pics of our little Ella in her very first Easter dress (and a spare of my adorable little red head). Ella got completely spoiled by her Grandma and Grandpa Riley and her great Aunt Krysti. I can't wait until she is a little bit older and can participate in the egg hunt! It will be so much fun. Also huge thanks to Grandma Kathy and Grandpa Nolan for keeping Ella looking so adorable and getting her this fun spring dress to wear.

Bath Time

Now that Ella no longer has her cord we are able to give her REAL baths and not just sponge her down. It has made things so much easier and much more fun because Ella LOVES her bath. She loves to just sit back in the warm water and relax. Here are some cute pics Taylor took of her bath the other night.

What a Blessing

Our Family

Ella with her Aunt Rosey

Last Sunday Ella had the privilege of being blessed by her Uncle Cooper. Cooper did an amazing job even though Ella screamed pretty loud the entire time. Taylor's mom and his sister Rosey were able to come down from Washington to share in Ella's special day. Her Grandpa Nolan made sure she looked like a princess and bought her this gorgeous dress and Aunt Michelle made sure the brunch was awesome by making all of the food. Thank you so much to everyone who contributed to this wonderful day!! It really couldn't have been any better.

Even though the last few weeks have been trying, I can't say enough what a blessing our little girl is in our lives. Every morning when I go to get her out of her crib, she greets me with a big smile like she just couldn't wait to see me again. We love her so much and I could never imagine what we would do if we didn't have her. She was truly meant to be our baby. We love you Ella Bean!!

Growing and Growing

With Grandma Roberts

Sleeping with my Uncle Cooper

My little family all snuggled up

In my adorable snow suit

Snuggling with Daddy

Here are a few new pics of Ella. I still can't believe how fast she grows. Every day she looks so much bigger than she did the day before.

Resting Easy

Things have become a little more relaxed in the last week. Not only have we managed to get Ella on a routine and sleep schedule but, we received the last bit of results from her blood work and all is well. Looks like she just had a really stubborn umbilical cord. Now if we could magically get the plumbing fixed without paying an arm and a leg I think we might even start to see some smiles again :)

Getting Better

This morning I went to change Ella's diaper and when I went to pull the diaper down so it didn't touch her cord, I noticed that it was gone!! Her cord finally fell off!! We still haven't received her lab work back yet to see if she has L.A.D but this is really promising news!! Things may be looking up at the Riley house!

Cut The Cord

Let me first start by saying that the past 6 weeks have been some of the hardest and most trying of my life. Not only did I have an extremely difficult delivery and recovery with Ella, but I have also had to deal with the general frustrations of being a first time mom all while the plumbing in my darling yet extremely old house decided to completely break. (we had the pipe that connects to the main line under the house break) Just when I seriously thought that things couldn't possibly get any more difficult for us I got a scary call from Ella's pediatrician. So here is what is going on...

Last Monday I took Ella in to the pediatrician because she was 6 weeks old and her umbilical cord still had not fallen off. No big deal really. The Dr. put some stuff on it to freeze it off and we were on our way. The cord would fall off in a couple of days and all would be good. Or so I thought. On Wednesday the pediatrician called me back and said that when she saw Ella's cord something wasn't sitting right with her. She said that the cord didn't look like anything that she had ever seen before. Not wanting to freak me out at the time she decided to do a little research. After looking into it further she contacted a pediatric immunologist at Primary Children's. The immunologist recommended seeing Ella as soon as possible because she thought that Ella may have what is called Leukocyte Adhesion Deficiency. I had never heard of this before so the pediatrician recommended that I look it up online to get more familiar with it. When I looked it up my heart just sank. Basically this condition is an extremely rare condition where the body is unable to fight off bacteria. This could be why her cord isn't falling off. There have only been 400 reported cases in the world. But the part that scared me the most was that all of the infants who have had this were normal healthy babies. They were not born premature, they were on track developmentally, and had no problems with weight gain or eating. But, more than 75% of those babies died before they reached their first birthday. There is no medication for the condition and the only treatments are stem cell and bone marrow transplants. I know that we still have to do the blood work to know for sure but just the thought is making me sick. It's all I can think about. The immunologist office said that they couldn't get Ella in until May 4th but we are doing everything that we can to get her in sooner. I can't wait a month to know if this is what she has or not.

I know that we all have our trials but I honestly feel like I'm going to have a complete meltdown. I know that many of you think that I may have some postpartum depression and at this point I would say that you are probably right. With everything that is going on right now I don't see how I couldn't. We were finally able to get Ella on some what of a sleep schedule and now I'm not sleeping because I'm so worried about everything else. It's just been so much at once.