Thursday, October 2, 2008
Mid Life Crisis In My Mid Twenties!
Lately I've been pretty down and I think that I may have figured out why. The reason that people have a mid life crisis is because they realize that they are not where they wanted to be in their life at whatever point they have the crisis. I think I've hit mine in my mid twenties. I know that I am by no means "old" but I am really struggling with where I am in my life. It's not just that I'm struggling with where I am now but where my life is going. I saw myself done having kids by the time I turned 30. Now I don't know that I'll have any at all much less be done by the time I'm 30. I saw Taylor and I living in a beautiful big house when we finally move out of his parents. Now we will probably end up with a starter home smaller than our first home. I look at my life and one by one as the things that I wanted for my life fade away or get put on hold, I can't help but wonder where things went wrong. I've been trying to tell myself that things haven't gone wrong and that life has just taken me in another direction. Deep down I really feel as though somewhere along the line I stopped living my life for me and started living it for everyone around me. What happened to Jess? Independent, strong willed Jess? Then I think that maybe I'm just not be compromising in my marriage. But these things that I want are not just for me. I want them for my family. This post was not intended to get sympathy from my readers but rather some advice. How do I overcome these feelings? What can I do to make myself realize that life will work everything out? Why do I have to have these things? Why can't I just be satisfied with the fact the I am married to a wonderful man who I love with all of my heart? I know that this will pass but for now I'm feeling consumed by the depression that is eating at me everyday.
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5 comments:
Okay, here's what I've learned about having expectations...let them go. I never expected to fall in love with a man who was once married and had two children, but it happened and just because it didn't happen the way I THOUGHT it would, doesn't mean this is not exactly where I'm supposed to be. As it turns out, it's exactly what I never knew I wanted.
I know there are things in my life that I want to change and need to change to get where I should be but I know I'll get there. Don't set unrealistic expectations for yourself and instead focus on the wonderful things around you. You and Taylor have a relationship that so many people dream of.
Change the things you can and let go of the things you can't. Don't let your dreams and expectations from yesterday dictate your happiness today.
That's my advice...I love you and you have a great life.
Ok, so a few months ago I was feeling a little bit like this. So I decided to do some things for ME and no one else! I joined my silly scrapbook night once a month, I started doing crafts and things that I love, and trying new things like canning salsa, cooking new things, etc. Just try something for YOU and nobody else. Sometimes I think we get so caught up in doing everything for everyone else we do lose ourselves. Also what you think (and "think" is the key word here), that everyone else in this world expects from you! BLOW those expectations out of the water and rediscover what makes Jess... Jess! It is up to US to get ourself back, nobody else can do it so we have to take the initiative. You have to make time for you and sometimes it is ok to be selfish. You need You time and other things need to go on the back burner for a moment or two! I love you girl and you know I will always make time for a girl's night out or lunch or whatever! Call me! Love you!
Krys
I think a lot of times we set our expectations way to high and we always wish we had more or we always wish we had bigger and better things, but instead we should stop and realize that we are so lucky, that we have a lot more then so many other people have.
I know it may seem like you feel like you are not where you want to be, but the Lord has you where you are right now for a reason and some of those things that you want will come it just may take time and alot of times it is hard to accept that it may take time.( I am not patient with this at all)
You are such a cute wonderful girl Jess and like Liz said you and Taylor have a wonderful relationship that tons of people wish they could have.
I have delt with a lot of things that last couple of years and I often wondered why it as happening to me and why my life was the way it was and I struggled with it for a long time and I finally realized that even though I was going through trials and heartache and loss and different things that I was still so LUCKY, to be alive, to have the things that I did have, like a house, a family and just the SIMPLE things in life, and that the things I was going through were for a reason and that the lord would not put me through it if I could not handle it and that all of these things I was going through would make me a better person.
Just realize that you will get to where you want to be it will just take time and the Lord will be there with you through all of it and he knows you can do it. Pray often and it will help so much, and like your other friend said, take time for YOU and do something you enjoy that always seems to help.
Let me know if I can do anything for you. I hope my advice was good and that I didnt ramble on too much!
Chandy
Okay girl first of all, it is TOTALLY a Utah thing to think that we should have kids by the time they are 30. The rest of the ENTIRE world usually starts at 30 or even after! Ofcourse, they do have less children than us. So give yourself a break. Trust me sometimes life takes us in a WAY different direction than we thought we would go. Look at me for instance, Alaska and twins! Probably two things I NEVER thought would happen to me! But both have them have been very rewarding, hard and quite the struggle at times, but rewarding. And sometimes you don't see those rewards until after you aren't even in the situation (i.e. no longer living in Alaska). I think you are just in a phase and everything happens for a reason, just keep telling yourself that and try to do over things to get your mind off it! See Krystal's examples! Good idea Krys!;) Love ya, Jess! Hang in there, as I tell myself alot of days, this too shall pass!
Jess we all have our expectations and feel we have failed if somehow we haven't reached our goal by the deadline we set when we were teenagers. We set these extremely high expectations for ourselves but don't consider that life happens. I have felt this same way, when I hit 25 and again after I had to postpone my school. I expected to be in a career doing something I loved by my 25th birthday and starting a family soon after that. The fact of the matter is I'm not even in a career and I probably won't be able to start a family for awhile. Here is the thing that I finally realized and you should know...we are the ones that set those goals and we are the ones that can modify them. Just because you haven't met the goal yet, doesn't mean you won't. Think of how many life experiences you and Taylor have had and how much you two have grown as a couple from them. These experiences will help you appreciate the things you want so much more, once you do get them and I know you will get there.
I have been reading this book "Women and Anxiety" by Helen DeRosis and it basically says we as women EXPECT way too much out of ourselves. We expect ourselves to be not only good at everything but expectional and become frustrated with ourselves when it doesn't happen. It's an interesting read that might help. I know it has helped give me a differen perspective on things.
Also, I have to agree with Laurie having children before your thirty is definitely a Utah thing. A lot of people don't even get married until their late twenties or even thirties in other places. There is nothing wrong with being older when you start having children. My mom was in her thirties when she started having us and we all turned out alright. :)
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